After my breakdown and the revelations that returned to me of the knife attack and the verbal attack all because I helped a young person my age escape from a situation that was frightening to her and became rather frightening for me as it turned out, I blocked it all out pretty much but in reality it affected my life from that day forward. Recalling it a bit too vividly during my mental/physical/nervous breakdown (about ten years later) was rather traumatic and required several months of psychiatric/psychological care before I could function once again as a young mother and person really. I actually have no memory of going to the hospital back in my home town; but do remember ending up there sometime later (days later as was mentioned to me later) still restrained. I am missing a few days in my life it would appear. I was restrained because I would have run away apparently although once I was able to be made aware of what was happening to me the psychiatrist was able to calm me down and begin my therapy. The restraints disappeared.
I did not have my footing yet when we moved to Ottawa about four months later and so I followed the advice I received from the Psychiatrist and Psychologist very carefully (I could have been referred but the idea was to see if this change would help me); I avoided people and since I had a husband and an infant to care for that is not actually all that difficult but there were occasions (usually Ed felt I should get out more which I did try to avoid but he did like one on one time with our daughter as well) where some people tried their "I know better" ideas on me and my ability to counteract/handle that wasn't there yet; my recovery was quite a while (years actually) in terms of being the rather outspoken person that I was, can be and remain. I continue to be amazed actually at how much people knew about me when I first came here to Ottawa as I never mentioned my medical health to anyone. The family doctor that I took my daughter to initially was totally unaware of my medical history and I had no reason to share it since I was managing.
But the writeup that is in the news feed today was rather interesting and I can only say I heartily agree with a few revisions:
How to handle Gaslighting
1. I was there and I am aware of what I experienced.
2. I remember that differently (this was mentioned but I never actually use that one).
3. I hear you, but that’s not my experience (also not used by me).
4. My mental and physical health and emotions are not up for debate.
5. You were not there and can not tell me what I experienced or how I felt.
(II believe that even if the doctor's recommendations are from 49 years ago I found they worked for me - I think psychiatry is like that. Could I still be under psychiatric care? I think one always benefits when such care is needed in order to function as well as you are able. But so far I am managing not too badly; there have been moments way in the past now when my nerves have suffered incredibly and I required extensive rest once I was able to free myself of "obligations." That people find me an enigma or weird doesn't really bother me; that was my experience my entire life anyway. Growing up with my brothers being closest in age to me, I am most comfortable around males and generally prefer their company (Edward and I had a very companionable marriage) but having daughters has shown me a feminine side which I also enjoy in their presence. My two sisters being six years older and eight years younger are also great companions for me and we enjoy emails back and forth. But at this time in my life I prefer my own company unless it is with my children.
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