Moved ahead nicely with the 11th generation and half way through the word document (14 pages) for the 11th generation of Siderfin - Thomas' descendants. I need to footnote all of it but I am getting it inserted into the document. I like to do that first.
I learned yesterday there are still more tunnels in South Gaza so this horror is not yet over. Hamas not yet cornered. The hostages not yet freed. Israel has been quick in the north and the final large area that Hamas used to inflict pain on the people is now in Israeli hands. But now it does appear Hamas is embedded into the civilian population in the south. Prayers for the Palestinian people. It is always hard to understand sick people like that - Satanists that would put all those people in harm's way just to put Israel on the wrong foot. I find it impossible to understand actually. But then I found the Nazis in the Second World War to not be understandable; there was no humanity there either; no sense of decency. Just greed and Satinism.
I am not sure how long it will take me to get through the 11th generation but I have put half the extra text into the document and will complete that project before I begin footnoting. Some of the footnoting is already there I just have to actually insert the footnote and then move it down. My fingers are itching to be complete for sure and the time is slowly coming. The actual footnoting for the 10th generation of this section was fairly quick last time but there is of course several times the material over the last generation and the next generation will be the same.
It is an interesting thing actually my past medical history. When I first came here 48 years ago people kept asking me what was the cause of my illness. I did really wonder why they were asking me such a personal question (I never said I was ill) after all I was 7 hours away from where I had lived. By then I was still rather thin but any traces of my severe illness were pretty much gone; I was not on any medication. It was really strange. I have no embarrassment that I spent perhaps two months on a psychiatric ward in our Victoria Hospital (one of the three teaching hospitals in London, Ontario). But I was surprised that so many people knew that I only just met. I have not had any relapses although I have had flashbacks but many years ago. My husband was unlikely to have ever said anything (and actually he did not know all of these people that I did encounter). I had returned to work about three months after my first child was born although the doctor had said that he felt I should not return for a year at least but I had promised to come back to my job and my baby was doing well. My labour and delivery had been the problem; in labour three days mostly continuous and then 36 hours straight. Then the discovery when the baby entered the birth canal that I was a partial placental previa but delivery was quick to follow fortunately but my hemoglobin dropped to 32 so recovery was slow but steady and it was three months later. I thought I could just rest more at home after working. I was used to looking after children and had a good skill set for managing the workload. But the deterioration to my mental health was very slow and I didn't see it and I literally collapsed in some sort of a withdrawn state which I do not actually recall. The diagnosis was a "nervous disorder" and multiple sclerosis was thrown around but I think it was all just a catchall for a nervous breakdown that has no obvious reason other than physical and mental breakdown. I had lost a lot of weight after the baby as I am a fairly active person. I actually am missing a period of time from my life whilst my mind simply "went to sleep" the psychiatrist said and a lot of what I said was quite garbled and hard to understand apparently as I did learn over the couple of weeks after I became aware of where I was and my condition went from serious to improving. Every day that I remember I asked to go home to my baby and the psychiatrist would say soon. You are not strong enough yet to care for her. But however did people know? that is a mystery actually. But it did cause me to be even more withdrawn than I normally am. I never really changed from that until I went back to work outside of the home when my girls were older (I did proofreading and copyediting at home for area printers for about 15 years). But "mental" illness is not something to avoid or fear; the recovery that one makes is slow but can be quite complete. I suppose in some ways I am a good example of recovery but tend to keep that to myself; it is a very difficult road for sure. When I went to St Paul University after my eldest daughter went off to do her PhD and took a course in managing group therapy I did acquire a better understanding of where I had been actually and did think about continuing with the course work but like doing my masters it was simply too late and I was headed towards retirement. But sometimes I do wonder if people judge me still and are less helpful when I ask for assistance sometimes but how could they possibly know my history (I do not talk about other people's illnesses, weird really). Other times it is quite perfect, I called the Records Office at the Ottawa Hospital the other day to see if a patient file had been created for me with the results of the eye tests but it has not apparently as I wanted to be able to give that information to the person to whom I have been re-referred once I hear back (I am sure he is very busy) and they were so very helpful. I appreciated their assistance. At 78 I do try to keep up with everything but it is not quite as easy as it was years ago! It was a bit strange though but perhaps the Eye Institute keeps their own records; my last position was in Women's Health and Medical Records maintained their records; I thought all the records were centralized. I did submit the bills to my insurer and they reimbursed the one. I do not know that much about the Eye Institute though other than that it exists.
On to the day, a lot to do on my book and I have hours to work in. Yesterday I raked up the maple tree from next door and put it on the garden. Just the large tree at the back to rake up and a lot of that will go on the gardens and what is left to the street but I will take my time no snow in the forecast so have a little time. The dog two doors up was out and had a "conversation" with me before settling down to his life's work which is guarding I do believe. He/she reminds me of Jackson my youngest daughter's dog. He loved me very much and would spend a bit of time whenever we got together telling me his story and then we would sing together - a large sheltie but he has passed a while back. I could have a dog but I am busy and tend to like the exercise routine that I have set up and it doesn't include long walks outside. Dogs are sweet though but one must never really trust them 100% they do have a wild nature and must always be controlled. Learned that from my grandfather.
Listening to Ian White's Psalms - a wondrous event most mornings. It is very well done. I should pull out some of the Gregorian Chants and will think about that or I will wear this CD out and not sure if I can buy it again.
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