Calisthenics

Calisthenics as always are my lifesaver. The osteoarthritis that I have can become quite annoying if I do not exercise every day and that includes my calisthenics and walking at least 14,000 to 18,000 steps per day. At 75 I can pretty much do those exercises as well as I did ten years ago which is good news; probably I do not do them as well as I did them twenty years ago. For me that is such a long time ago when I was still working. The years, as it turns out have been somewhat kind to me, and not so kind to Edward. In aging, chronic conditions completely unknown to him prior to the event occurring have marred his aging years unfortunately. COVID-19 has been hard for him as well because he loves to get out and about shopping and going to meetings. Because he doesn't have an exercise mind-set (as he calls my tendency) just getting up and walking about doesn't come naturally to him and that has been a problem for him which he has tried to counteract by walking about with his walker every hour or so. But the lack of strong exercise like walking through five stores in an hour or so in the morning, has been missed for him. I do not mind running on the spot for 50 minutes but that is unappealing to him. He has gradually though come to my way of thinking by getting up and moving about but this latest episode has been difficult for him. 

I guess the kindness to me in the passing years is actually aging; I never expected to live as long as I have to be honest. When I had the nervous disorder in my late 20s the doctor said that this could recur so many times in my life and might shorten my lifespan. I did listen to both the physician and the psychiatrist with regard to how best to regulate my life - live a quiet lifestyle mostly at home and avoid conflict or unpleasant situations because my nervous system was extremely strained and what one would now call PTSD could flare up at any time. In many ways I totally followed their advice as much as I could. Conflicting information did lead me astray for a bit but I gradually pulled back into my little shell and was much happier. I did go back to work and that was rather stressful on occasion but when it became difficult I moved on to another job. So here I am at 75 and a half and amazingly in relatively good health although I do have to watch my nervous disorder as it can and does flare up on occasion. 

But for me athletics has been a lifeline for me all of my days. I love sports (in which I partake particularly) and it does lead to a healthy lifestyle. I watched on TV one day last year when a marathon runner in Italy locked down in his apartment ran a marathon on his balcony. Cheers to him; a job well done.

Not such good news

Edward is being winched between the bed and the chair. I am not sure why they decided to do that. I thought he was standing and walking a little with an assist. Perhaps I will find out more today. 

I did talk to Edward today and again he is sounding stronger. He is definitely eating better than he was and back on solid food once again. I do so hope he regains his mobility (with a walker likely). I strained my leg muscle supporting him so not being able to visit him means that my leg gets a rest as I work away at minimizing our stuff. Ideally I would like to see the books reduced another 50% or more by the end of the summer if we are able to make a donation to the OGS/BIFHSGO Library by then. I need to investigate the Library at the Akwesasne Reserve to see if they want more books as well. 

Already the garage is bulging with tables and lamps that we will give to the charitable groups that pick up when that happens. I took a full car load to the Electronics recycling about a week or so ago. I need to keep reducing and the basement definitely needs to be pretty much empty. Still not thinking of moving as once there is a ramp then Ed can manage here with help once he finishes his course of geriatric rehab. He really prefers to stay here. It doesn't matter to me particularly. I just work away on my computer and that I can do pretty much anywhere. 

But still the biggest portion is 50 to 60 boxes of Ed's research over 54 years and more. That I really can not work with readily without him being here. He has reduced the earlier load by about 20 boxes over the last year and probably down as much as 40 boxes over the last couple of years. 

I am also downsizing my library of acquired books as I scan what I want and will pass them on to the Library when that is possible and if they want them. I was somewhat ruthless with the VHS tapes and have reduced them by one half in the last couple of days. I intend to reduce them further. They too await donation as they are all original movie tapes and I guess that the charities still do collect them. The DVDs take up a lot less room for sure and will retain them. I need to be able to look at everything and realize it will all fit into a very small house or apartment. The house for Ed as he loves his garden (and it is soon time for me to don my gardening clothes and do some work out there) and I am happy with an apartment perhaps near the archives or closeby as I have a couple of projects that I would like to work on one of these days. So we will see where we are in a year's time. I had discussed the projects with the researchers there but COVID-19 and Ed's illness, of course, altered that thought. 

Rent or buy is one thought on an apartment. Possibly rent and invest the monies from the sale of this house. We have lived in this house for 43 years and life has certainly changed. But no rush on that at the moment. We still have so much stuff to downsize. Our telephone number was close to the telephone number of the library (2 digits interchanged) and we did get phone calls for the library. When our youngest was four and after yet another of those calls she asked at the dinner table if we lived in a library. You couldn't blame her for wondering every room in our house has bookcases full to the brim. Less so now that we are downsizing but we still have a considerable number of books mostly Ed has purchased them through the years so I tend to think of them as his although we do share everything jointly. My reading favourites tend to be different from his - actual history books (nonfiction), actual stories about countries, science books (actual) and some biographies (limited mostly to science and history). Ed loves to read and best selling novels often appeal to him especially Historical Fiction series and Science Fiction. He reads the actual items as well and especially science and history. After becoming a surprise genealogist back in 2003 (avoided it before then for the most part although did get convinced to present at Gene-O-Rama), I have purchased books that aid me in my research although the numbers are not really huge. I have a good collection of books on DNA both scientific and genealogical in nature. My research is principally online with a box of paper records. I do intend to stay that way as I have given and will give any original material to my younger sister as she lives where people would go to see any such records.

What a beautiful day

Sun is shining and the day passed. Talked to Edward and he was keen to move to his chair to sit up which is good news. He is doing better thank goodness.

Spent most of the day cleaning and working on one very large bookcase. Dusted all the books and washed down the bookcase so that I can move it. I am going to dust all of the books in Ed's office and move everything into the master bedroom. Then my daughter will move into the office and free up the room she is in so that the two rooms are on the same level in case Ed can ever come up the chair lift again so he can easily move between the two rooms. 

Where do we go from here?

Ed told me that he was sitting up in a chair today which is great but that he can not stand on his own and walk. He actually did that when the Paramedics took him to the hospital although he tired and they did help him but he was still mobile. I was just so relieved that he did not break anything when he when down although he went down with my arms around him and I supported him to the ground. I have the still strained muscles from that episode. He is pretty heavy and I had lost seven pounds in just a few weeks helping him to move. I haven't gained any yet because I am trying to do as much as I can while he is away to set up the place so that it is ready for his return. 

His X-rays from the end of December and his X-rays on arrival at the hospital are virtually the same. But the more in depth CT scans pointed out degenerative disc disease. I found it interesting because Ed never complained in his entire life when I knew him about having a sore back except for one occasion but these ancient fractures at L1-L2 must have happened many years ago. When we first flew to England in 2008 Ed suffered pain spasms in his back and was unable to even roll his suitcase let alone pick it up and fortunately the plane exit was ramped as stairs might have been impossible for him. A good course of voltaren (one of my cousins happened to have a tube) and about five days and it had disappeared. Now I really regret not pursuing that particular health issue on our return. Although our doctor at that time tended to relegate everything to aging and didn't do too much in the way of testing. 

When Ed started to suffer a couple of years later from what ended up being bradycardia and fainting spells we had the good fortune to have called an ambulance where the paramedic recognized that he probably needed a pacemaker and at Montfort that whole process was put into motion and a much needed pacemaker was inserted and it was like night and day as Ed  was back to doing everything he had done before the bradycardia and fainting spells had dominated his life for about a year. My prayer is that he can do it again but it is nine years later and he has had a pretty rough three months and is nearly 78 years of age. He will need intensive physio for a bit to help him regain his muscle tone and then we can get back to the stationary bike and walking hopefully. I also need to have information on the kind of equipment I need to look after him initially like a wheelchair and other types of devices that can be near to his hospital bed at home whilst he gains in strength. 

Oil Change for the Car

I have been taking the car in for  about a year now; oil change is needed so will get that done today. I constantly toy with the idea of eliminating a car and just using taxis when we  need to go somewhere or the bus.  Ed does not like my driving particularly but that is because he preferred his driving not for any other particular reason. I like driving but cars are a nuisance in some ways. They are expensive and the return on the investment is poor for sure. Granted you are more flexible with a car to go places but I can walk just about any place I need to go (or take the bus). Once I have my vaccine which is coming close now I really could just take the bus. The likelihood of my driving any distance diminishes with the years and months. Mind you to go anywhere in this city you have to take the Highway so I am used to Highway driving. Our car is new relatively speaking (two years old in August). We have barely driven in the last year so seems newer in terms of actual distance driven. I think having a car needs to be easier; simpler and cost wise productive. 

I have never organized one of these appointments and when I got there they were busy so we agreed that I would come back in the afternoon. Lots of mystery to solve with managing some of these things that only Edward did. I am always glad when he is here but will be even happier now as he can work out all these things that I apparently need to do. It does make me think that having a car is a nuisance. I guess Ed organizes things around the oil change so that he just leaves it for the day and that is what I am used to just leaving it. But how to do that? He said just to come back so left it at that. 

Oil change completed thank goodness. I guess I will become more and more knowledgeable about handling all of these items. Although Ed really enjoys looking after his car so maybe it will come back to him eventually.

Into sleep apnea again

Sleep apnea is disturbing my sleep once again. It comes and it goes and generally I can get it sort of back under control in a week or so. There is the middle time when I sleep well one night and then poorly the next and gradually it evens out. I want to be well rested before Ed comes home. That way I am ready to help him once again. It took us a while to get into a regular routine here with my going to the hospital every afternoon but now it has been a week and gradually we are eating things other than eggs. We ate a lot of eggs last week. Good for you but likely it is also good to have something else. 

Today I want to complete what I did not get done yesterday. Basement is all done for another week but I need to dust the main floor and make up the bed for Ed. I do not know when he will come home. Still hoping that he is able to get into the geriatric rehab program at the Bruyere. That would give him a continuous physio routine for a week or so and he would be ready to come back. 

The ramp hasn't been put in yet and must wait for warmer weather but he can be transported here by medical transport and find his legs walking around the main floor and now everything that he needs is on the same level. I will sleep on an air mattress on the living room floor for a while to be available if he needs me. We have a large cow bell which he has been using to call us in the night as well but probably can use the smaller bell that we keep in the living room in case he needed me and I was out of the room. 

I did get to Church (you-tube) last Sunday and hope to do that again this Sunday. The opportunity to be close to God is one that I greatly enjoy. God is all around us but the worship service on Sunday is particularly wonderful. Perhaps Ed will pick up his phone today. I do not know if I would be better to get him a phone in the room. I will ask at the front desk today when I call in to see if he has had a good night unless he answers me when I call at 9.  And he did answer me. We had a small chat before pills arrived and dressing changes. His voice is clearer each day as he gains in strength.

The hardest part

I think the hardest part in aging when you are looking after your partner is knowing what to do. Ed was mobile until mid December and then suddenly his back started to bother him. That was just before Christmas and suddenly we were helping him to move anywhere including sitting up in bed and it went from there. We were moving him every time he wanted to move. Called the doctor after Christmas and took him to the doctor on the 31st of December for X-rays on his back and I had discovered a pressure sore so that too was looked after the same day and in terms of needed medical assistance which we got from Paramed. All of these services are excellent and we were already with them because of wound care and antibiotic by IV that he required after discharge from Montfort. 

Then suddenly it was mid-January and we were exhausted so called the LHIN and they set up PSWs for us but they are only there a short time although the one hour three times a week and 3/4rds of an hour four times a week was very helpful. Then the eye appointment mid January and Ed went down on his knees and the security guard at the mall helped us to get him on his walker. Made that eye appointment as he was having trouble seeing; fuzzy was becoming more and more often. He recovered quickly from that and was walking around the house with his walker that evening. Walked with his walker to get his glasses two weeks later. 

Then mid February he was down again on the way to a Paramed appointment for wound care. Had to call an ambulance and they got him into his bed. Was that the point at which we should have just taken him to the hospital? I will always wonder that. He wanted to go to his bed though and the paramedics did do that. The next day with help he was up again and we carried on still helping him to move virtually everytime he shifted position. 

We were still lifting him all the time with the relief from the PSWs and still tired when we got the power chair mid February. That is a marvelous tool and too bad I didn't get it sooner but everything takes time to work through and I had no idea when I first heard about it. That saved a number of lifts. We were still exhausted as it was night and day with washroom trips. The OT came to assess him in March and we were going to get a hospital bed and put it on the main floor finally after discussion as the couple of stairs to the chair lift were becoming difficult. Then he was down again three days later when we were headed downstairs. I covered him with a blanket and called an ambulance. He wanted a blanket under him so I carefully did that. In retrospect I should not have done that as then he asked us to take him by pulling the blanket to his bed and help him into that. We could not lift him. The paramedics arrived and they got him up on his feet and then sat him on his walker as he felt weak and moved him to the chair lift and then down and out the door to the stretcher. 

When should I have reacted; did I do it the way that I should have? I shall always wonder that. Praying that the vertebroplasty does help him to become mobile once again.

Must get organized

The last few days I have not been organized. I am the sort of person who organizes their life around the day; I do not generally think very far ahead where organization is concerned other than the cleaning as that is a must to get it done. But I do try each morning to figure out what I should try and accomplish that very day. Life pretty much unfolds in front of you and really your control over how that unfolds is rather limited. I do not feel that you can really control anything that is outside of your ring of influence and for most people that ring is pretty small. You just have to live through the events that are created by life around you as best as you can. You can struggle metaphorically against some of those events but in the long run you didn't create them, activate them and have very little control over how they flow except to absent yourself which is my preferred method of control. But Ed's hospitalization is totally out of my control or even presence now. No visitors on his ward even though I am an essential caregiver. I need to be there when I talk to him to see how he feels; to see if he is getting what he needs in my opinion which is possibly more than is generally done so do bite my tongue on occasion. Ed is a very trusting soul which in the present case is good because he really needs to trust the doctors, nurses and physio people to get him back up on his feet even in a limited way. I am not qualified to do that. I can simply be there helping where I can and cheering him on. 

So what to accomplish today. I need to finish the cleaning. I am a bit behind but surprisingly not too much. Washing the basement floor is the main item and doing some dusting on the main floor is the second item. I want to get the bed made up today for Ed so that it is ready. 

I am still reeling somewhat from a letter I got from our insurance telling me that I can not purchase a hospital bed when my husband is in the hospital; one wonders how can  he come home to a hospital bed which he will need (plenty of support for that from the doctor and occupational therapy) if I do not purchase it before hand. It does not really make any sense to be honest. He really doesn't take very many drugs in spite of his condition that we claim; we spend far more on good quality vitamins and good food. Really he has contributed into this plan during his working days and we continue to pay several thousand in premiums every year and when they sent me the forms they should have said do not submit this until we are sure that your husband will survive long enough to use this bed for a minimum time limit (I did actually speak with them before purchasing). Would I have then bought the bed or rented it? Well I do not know; that particular argument wasn't presented to me. Since they only pay at the most $1800 to my knowledge then we are paying $2350 (bed and therapeutic mattress) ourselves at least and of course the full amount until a claim decision is made. I am trying to decide when to resubmit the documents for a claim review. Since I am 75 my thought processes are not quite as quick as when I was younger and I would not have been involved in this when I was younger as Ed always did the submissions for health plan and I was never involved as I have not been a patient in a hospital since our youngest child was born (39 years ago) other than a very rare emergency visit and seldom go to the doctor mostly because Ed has had so many visits that I sometimes feel like I am constantly in the company of the medical profession plus my health (touch wood) has been very good. Since I have said a ward room for Ed so that there are more people around and he liked the ward at the General last year, the insurance company is actually saving money as he pays for semi-private coverage for which they are not being charged and the savings are more than they would be reimbursing us for the bed/mattress!

No timeline for Ed returning home

No idea when Ed will return home. He will go into rehab first. I am slowly adjusting to not being able to see him every day. It was like that last May but he was not in as long a time as this has now been. The surgery has added to his length of stay. Then the physio at the hospital and after that rehab. It will be good if he is able to manage about where he was when he was discharged from Montfort before his back started to bother him. He now has a few extras - his standing chair, his hospital bed and the ramp once it is constructed. Until then we will only move him about by medical transport. 

I talked to him later today and he sounded comfortable. Will see what tomorrow brings.

Edward sounded more like himself

Late afternoon yesterday I was talking to Ed; he answered his phone. He was out of recovery about half of an hour. He sounded strong. Will have to wait now and see if this surgery will improve his mobility. And the good news he is already standing with a walker (morning information).

Washed up the bedding for the hospital bed

I got some nice printed flannelette sheets for  the Hospital Bed - trees printed on it like spring which I think Ed will enjoy. The pillow slip is the same so will be something nice to look at. Plus he can see the trees out of the window. As soon as he will be coming home I shall get the wheel chair if that is the recommended idea and a commode if they think we need that as well. He will have some physio though before he will be ready to come home. Surgery is now complete and he is in recovery. At nearly 78 considering all of his medical difficulties the last four years I am relieved that the surgery went very well. Now just time and energy and good luck to see if he can get his mobility back with aids of course and a ramp to get in and out. He so loves being in the yard. Still praying and God in His mercy will answer those prayers in His own way.

We have already planned the large gardening area as flowers since the Black Walnut will not let us plant anything in the garden. It is a hog that tree; everything in its path is pretty much a victim although some plants will survive under this tree's great spread of branches. I am used to this tree being tall and straight and branching high up into the sky but as a singleton in a cultivated yard it takes advantage of all that space and spreads out. Our maple is probably 50 feet away from it so we will not likely see it succumb to the ravages of Black Walnut in our lifetime. We planted that maple from a sapling that grew in this land so it has the best chance to survive in the heavy clay. It is huge now and we very much enjoy it all year round. Last year the leaves were a beautiful crimson red in the fall. 

When we will get reimbursed for that hospital bed is a mystery. We will have to wait and see. At least I can claim it on the Income Tax next year.

Talked to Edward last night

Talked to Edward last night and he was having a good day. I haven't heard from him yet today but he was busy this morning so maybe this evening.

I have tried to call Ed four times now but he doesn't pick up. Possibly he can not plug his charger in by himself from the bed. I have no idea what his room is like as I haven't been in it. I did try ringing the desk twice today but after twenty rings the phone just hangs up. They always say no news is good news but I do worry about him. 

I have managed though to start looking at my newsletters. I am very far behind these days but I plan to get caught up as I did last spring after Ed returned home from being hospitalized. I still receive about one hundred emails a day; probably 75% of them I do not have to reply at all and they are simply newsworthy about items or genealogy. 

I did miss the Labyrinth on Monday evening. I am still busy trying to catch up on things that I let go while visiting Ed in Emergency and the tent. 

I did take the time to colour (with coloured pencils) some Easter Cards today - bunnies and eggs with a bit of greenery. I haven't done that in years. Colouring is actually good for the soul. I think I will print out some religious cards as well and colour them. God is with us all the time but especially at Easter. He paints the world for us to behold and appreciate.

Being in isolation is actually a pleasant thing. I understand how people can find it difficult but for me it is not a problem.  I have thoroughly enjoyed this entire year of lockdown except for Ed being ill. I should have just bought the hospital bed without the OT recommendation. The recommendation was good to have and recommended that I do so by everywhere that I called as I really had no ideas on what to get but basically I have a husband in the hospital because he had a fall because I waited too long to get him a hospital bed on the main floor. Even though I was able to break his fall by holding him as he went down I was not strong enough to get him up again (not even with my daughter's help). Plus I did not want to move him after he had had a fall. I have to never be in a position where I am missing a secondary support for him when he is in motion like a wheel chair. 

I am not a people person at all but Ed certainly is. He does enjoy the company of other people. 

 

Talked to Edward yesterday morning

Since the ward that Ed is on does not permit any visitors, we spoke on the phone. He was doing physio and sitting up in a chair at that time. He sounded good.

Ed has been dealt a triple whammy in the last little while. In December his back, which hasn't bothered him his entire life except during one flight to Europe,  on xray has a couple of fractured vertebrae. That really started to limit him and I really should have started the bed purchase much earlier. We were busy helping him and then the PSWs and home nursing came in and the time evaporated. The OT assessment though two weeks ago showed the need for a hospital bed for him was paramount.

The second whammy was his eyes which were becoming cloudier and fuzzier as the year passed and at his annual eye exam we discovered that he had huge cataracts that need to be operated on. 

Then of course the first whammy he is dealing with cirrhosis secondary to sarcoidosis of the liver and sarcoidosis of the lungs although for the most part the drugs that he is taking are providing a measure of control and a reasonable life style. 

The cost of all this business has been quite reasonable considering he never really had a prescription for anything through the years. I myself have seldom had a prescription other than my eye glasses and my ventolin puffer which I use for mild asthma and perhaps purchase one per year and generally pay most of the cost because I do not have any other prescriptions. The drug that Ed uses for sarcoidosis is not totally covered so he pays a large amount for that one during the year and the others are covered by the Ontario Drug Plan for the most part (he in actual fact doesn't take a lot of drugs). We do buy vitamins and the best that we can find - great believers in vitamins for good health particularly when one is old and that is not covered at all; we pay more for that than we pay for prescription drugs. 

But certainly one should always be reimbursed by our medical/dental plan for legitimate expenses which are covered by a prescription and an invoice. For instance the cost of renting a hospital bed (which Ed will need the rest of his life) is huge compared to the cost of purchasing one. The bed has a rental of $400/month which amounts to $4800 for the year whereas purchasing it is the same as paying ten months rent. I did submit the invoice and prescription and the doctor sent in a letter but they did not pay anything. A complaint has been submitted and we will see where that goes. Perhaps I should have waited for six months and then submitted but that doesn't seem entirely fair. When Ed comes home from the hospital and builds up his strength then we will sort that out but I am not going to tell him that they didn't pay yet because they count the number of months you survive before they will pay! Whatever do people do one wonders if they can not scrape together the money to pay their bills?

I will surely need that hospital bed myself if I outlive Edward and I would actually be saving them money since I will keep this one to the end of my days in my living room. 

Did hear back from the Insurance Company and two more forms to fill in. Will see how that goes. I shall have to wait until Ed returns home as I need his signature and I can not go and see him in the hospital. Really one wonders how people manage; I shall find out I expect.

COVID-19 vaccines booked

Booked our COVID-19 vaccines.  Ed will be using medical transport to get his and I will drive there to be with him and to get my own. I did book them on different days just to make that easier.

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire

The good news was that Ed actually had a proper hospital bed when I got to the hospital today. The bad news is that he has been on a stretcher too long but hopefully will heal up quickly.  Today I took in a letter to him from the Shepherds of Good Hope to whom he donates. 

Ed is on a ward now and I am not apparently able to visit with him even as his Essential Caregiver.

I have agreed now to go ahead with the vertebroplasty. I feel it might get him out of the hospital quicker since he is doing physio now and the continuing physio will help him after the surgery. The surgery is just two hours. He has been so healthy all of his life until the last ten years.

We are all setup now for him at home. No ramp yet but he will come home by medical transport.

I do pray for Ed and hope that this will help him to move ahead. A friend of mine's husband has been bedridden for eleven months and I was thinking how hard that must be. The reality is that if my husband had been bedridden then none of this would have happened and he would be safely nestled in his hospital bed here at home.

Spring although do like winter

My husband will enjoy this picture of spring. He finds winter long and will be glad to see the little blooms that have popped through the ground. This is a very warm spot right at the back of the house and I didn't check it until today from the outside. I do find mud season to be unappealing but decided to check it out before I am off to the hospital to see Edward.

 

Canada as part of the commonwealth with the Queen as our Head of State

I still firmly believe that Canada does well being part of the British Commonwealth and with having a royal Head of State. There is enormous continuity in government with a Sovereign at our Head. The Prince of Wales will make an excellent King if that opportunity comes his way as will Prince William in his own time. 

My grandfather lived through the reigns of Queen Victoria, King Edward VII, King George V, King Edward VIII, King George VI and he saw the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II although he died later in 1953 so did not really live long through much of her reign. But that was six Kings and Queens - amazing really. When I was born and until I was eight King George VI was the reigning monarch and for the rest of my life thus far Queen Elizabeth II has been the reigning monarch. It is amazing sometimes how the Royal House flows - long and short though England has been blessed by her many Kings and Queens in modern time and even earlier. 

The Light - Bible Reading for today

 John 12:36

Jesus answered, “The light will be with you for only a little longer. Walk in the light while you can. Then you won’t be caught walking blindly in the dark. Have faith in the light while it is with you, and you will be children of the light.”

I have always found this to be such a thought provoking passage from John. Light has controlled mankind from the beginning of our time. It was light that governed our daily life. Without light there is no life on earth such as we know it. This morning the sun shines brightly hurrying us into spring and all the wonders of new life as it pokes through the ground - snowdrops soon to bloom. 

Our tenant chipmunk has emerged from his/her dark winter home to bask in the light once again. The bird feeder tends to really be a small creature feeder as well as a bird feeder. 

I shall try to attend the Cathedral Labyrinth virtual gathering Monday night. The Stations of the Cross have been my comfort through these many years in Ottawa. Visiting British/European Churches I have seen so many beautiful renditions of the Stations of the Cross.

Edward looked better today

Edward looked better today and luckily the doctor dropped by while I was there with Ed and we discussed how to move forward. That was a really good discussion. I needed to have a discussion with him. 

The Civic is my favourite campus that I worked at (worked at the General first, then the Civic and then the Riverside) and I am feeling better today; I can get stressed sometimes; possibly my nervous disorder. I like the tent which holds the overflow as patients are moved from emergency to the wards. It is open but lots of privacy. The huge ceiling allows for really good air flow. The individual cubicles allow for discussion time with the doctor and it feels pretty private. 

I can see though that I should do a letter writing to the province as they do not fund the auxiliary health services that are really essential for people who have had falls or breaks to bones in the tent area. I think it is important for physio/OT to get right in there and assess people and get them moving as soon as it is practical. The young would benefit but the old especially lose muscle mass quickly when they are not active. 

I have my husband doing some foot exercises just to keep his muscles toned somewhat and he will try some of the bed stretches that I showed him. Really important to wake up the muscles especially after a fall.

Bible Reading for the day

 Hebrews 4

Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.

My prayer for Edward this morning and that I will find him somewhat better today.

Feeling very concerned

What is up with me and driving

This time of year I find the sun incredibly bright and wear my darkest sunglasses. My last eye appointment told me that my cataracts are growing although I am not finding any sight deprivation yet. Wearing the sunglasses and avoiding situations where I strain my eyes due to that bright sunlight are the prime reason I am not driving across town these days. Short hauls around here are fine but Ed has cataracts that need an operation as he can no longer see to drive or to work in actual fact without a magnifying glass. His appointment for that is the 30th of April 2021. Surgery in an unknown time frame as a lot of people have cataracts that need operations. 

Snowdrops are up

And the first signal that spring may be trying to arrive is the popping through the earth as the snow recedes of the snowdrops. No flower heads yet but they are not generally far behind those welcomed stems and leaves. 

Must share that with Ed today at the hospital. He always looks for the snowdrops and hyacinth to break through (sometimes through the snow) to bask in the warm bright sunshine that we have today. 

Thinking it all through

 Ed has now begun physio at the hospital and has been standing for a short period and up in a wheelchair for about an hour - a great beginning for him. He was stronger today but more time is needed for him to be able to manage with our help at home. The LHIN has been really excellent with home care services but he is still not quite ready to be in our charge for 22 to 23 hours of the day. 

I think I can see a path forward; yesterday I wasn't really seeing one. Geriatric Rehab has been suggested and I think that is a good forward step for him. He can get into some sort of routine with exercise that he can then bring home with him and the LHIN with its outpatient services and us can help him to continue with that. Surgery was discussed and I do think that the surgery mentioned would be a good step forward but I think a few things have to happen to ensure the best outcome. I think he needs to have his vaccination for COVID-19 and the resultant recovery period for him since he has cirrhosis secondary to sarcoidosis and also sarcoidosis of the lung and every vaccination for anything in the past five years has resulted in his needing a recuperative period. Once that is completed then an anaesthesiology consult will go a long way towards helping to alleviate concerns with regard to the two hours of anaesthesia he has to be under since he has cirrhosis.

He has fractures of the lower spine and doing a vertebroplasty procedure sounds like an excellent way to relieve him of the pain spasms which he experiences on occasion and cause him to collapse (and the spasms stay with him for days before they gradually lift). He would then be able to make use of the muscle power he has built up biking and walking. A fall sets him back and he needs to recover each time. In the meantime a very controlled atmosphere so that he does not suffer falls is absolutely necessary and I really need to think this through completely. The Hospital Bed and his desk are both in good positions, the bathroom is close by but will buy a portable one as well just to give that extra assurance if the spasms flare up again. I think we will rent a wheel chair but I need to know the best one for his case. The ramp will be built once the snow has disappeared. The kitchen is close by and he does have a walking circuit around the main floor once he is able to manage that. 

Off to the hospital later in the day and will chat with the doctor once again. I am nervous to go ahead with the vertebroplasty in his present condition and not having his COVID-19 vaccination. At the moment he is not in pain. It takes a jolt to his system or a sudden turn to get the spasms started and he avoids both but unhappily he has had a couple of falls in the past three months. It has been good to have the specialists looking at his case.

The announcement by Premier Ford would mean that Ed would be in the next eligible group which can register starting the 22nd of March. I am hopeful that he will get his vaccination very soon. Being in the hospital, he is no longer eligible as a chronic care patient receiving home care. I am feeling somewhat more enthusiastic that all of this thinking through could come to pass.

Hospital Bed has arrived

Hospital Bed has arrived. Sheets to be ordered quickly (although I do have cotton ones I could use but he likes the microfiber) and ready to go as soon as he is discharged. Yesterday physio was in so hopefully today again and he will get a chance to get up and stretch his legs and maybe walk a little bit. 

His computer is all set up and the bed so he will have a good working area. Just need the wheelchair to have on hand if he needs one for transfers. I still do not know that for sure. 

I am hoping that he gets vaccinated at the hospital. He is in the queue waiting as a receiver of in home care although now he is in the hospital and I must admit to being concerned that he is now bumped from that list since he is in the hospital and must now wait for the 75+ group for his vaccination.

Off to see him shortly; my daughter's online conference got a bit delayed for their presentation and I am avoiding driving across the city at the moment.

Time marches onward and waits for no man

 It is time that saves us in the long run. It is time that restores us. Beautiful sunrise today and spring is definitely trying to come. But we could still have snow and a good heavy snowfall at that. Here in Canada we wait for the weather to march on to summer. Spring is really mud season when the water flows and it doesn't last very long fortunately. Summer soon arrives and we have that wonderful warm sun for a few months. 

Off to see Ed again a little later. Yesterday was a struggle for him but by the end of the day he was eating and drinking. Ed is a fighter; his restorative powers have been amazing. Time is his friend and God willing he will be able to do all the things that he wants to do. 

The boxes await him (more than 50 of them); full of their prized content that he has collected during our 54 and a half years of marriage and there are boxes from before that time as he still has all of his school notes dating back a number of years. That material has traveled with us all these years. I am not a hoarder so not much remains of my time. I like to just store up memories in my mind and not keep the paperwork!

An entire new phase of life has opened up for Ed and as always he is up to the task mentally. One prays that his physical ability will support all of that.

My thoughts today

 Ed is still in the holding area preceding admission to a ward. He is not moving about which does worry me. Young people can tolerate not moving about longer than the old. The old lose muscle mass very very quickly. 

The Hospital Bed is coming Thursday. I am so happy about that. As soon as he is able he will be able to come home and be comfortable and not do any stairs although coming in the front door is still a problem until the ramp is built. We need the snow gone for that and hopefully spring will arrive sooner rather than later. But he can be brought in by medical transfer so not a problem. 

Getting his computer set up right across from his hospital bed along with the scanner. He has a lot of items that he is preparing to send to the museum in his home town. He has done a lot of work through the years and transferring electronically is the best way although he will also send them the paper in the future. 

I am getting rested gradually. I am finding it difficult to settle wondering how he is doing. He is in good hands though I do know that.

Rough week became somewhat rougher

I wrote my post yesterday while Ed was still sleeping. Unfortunately he had an episode when we tried to go down the stairs (on his chair lift but there is one step that he has to make). Again Paramedics came to the rescue and took him to the hospital where he remains. He will be admitted and go through some testing which I am very happy to see happening. He has had pain in his back for a couple of months and it would be good to investigate and get some physio for him for that. I am looking forward to that happening. 

His hospital bed will hopefully be able to arrive in a week but until then we have a narrow bed that we can set up if he has to come home earlier than then from the hospital. It is a little lower than our Queen Bed so hopefully easier for him to manage. 

I was in to see him in emergency last night and will try to go again today unless he is moved to his room. I did go to Church (you tube) this morning and the opportunity to do so was somewhat wonderful. I have been a very deeply religious person throughout my life. Nothing has ever turned me from my religious devotions possibly because they are very personal to me. I do not see Church as a social club or even a place to find friends although for some people it can be one or both and I understand that. Hence I have always tried to stay on the sidelines of any Church that I attend in order not to interfere in this nature of Church for some people. 

Prayers as always for Ed to be able to manage his life in the best way possible and strength for me to help him to do so. Fortunately at 75 and a half years of age I remain fairly strong although lifting him these past couple of months has been extremely difficult and I could never have done it without my daughter's help. 

The living room is nearly prepared to receive the hospital bed. Just a few more items to eliminate or move some where else. Not sure what to do with some of it that has come from my family. I have asked if anyone wants items but they like me have a lot of items that we acquired from our parents as they downsized. I intend to donate them once that is a possibility. There have been so many people coming here as refugees that their need for these items is probably significant so likely in the spring when COVID-19 controls our life a little less I will be able to donate these items. 

Rough Week

It has been a pretty rough week. My nervous disorder has been plaguing me for the entire week leaving me somewhat exhausted mentally. Ed was stronger yesterday and managed walking about a number of times as well as biking. He  did not sleep quite as well as usual and is somewhat weaker today. I am letting him rest in bed for a little longer before he gets up. 

There are drugs to treat my nervous disorder but they leave me somewhat confused although I can be surprisingly clearheaded but not always in a meaningful way. I tend to do too much and become exhausted so will refrain from looking at that avenue of support. I think that I can only see one clear path at the moment which is to keep Ed at home (must get that hospital bed soon) until he is fully vaccinated and then for as long as we are able to do that. I shudder to think of him in Long Term Care as he really likes to be at home so am keeping that as a far distant option. Would we be better in an apartment/condo? The biggest problem is too much stuff. Although we have downsized we still have far too much to go into a condo or apartment or even a smaller house. Time is something that I need to continue sorting books out that can go to libraries (we gave most of our National Geographic hardcovered books and journals (50 years worth) to the Maniwaki Reserve Library but during the pandemic that is not likely a possibility to give them any more plus I wasn't involved in that transfer so do not know the people).   

If it would help Ed to move I would do that but I would really rather stay here and continue to downsize so that all of his work in genealogy goes to family members or local libraries where he grew up. It will take me time to organize all of that. 

So I am in a bit of a quandary with respect to all of that which doesn't help my nervous disorder very much. Although it is great to have support coming in I am of course nervous for Ed since he is still not yet vaccinated.

Hospital Bed

 Starting to look at which hospital bed to buy and the attachments to go with it. We needed to think through where to put it. Initially we were just going to put it into the bedroom but a better idea is to put it in the living room (our living room is quite long (includes a dining room) and we could continue with our TV area and then have the bed back where the dining room is and then across from that Ed's computer desk so that he could get up from his bed if he wanted and work at his computer although likely he will always wait for me to be there. Thinking it all through and it sounds like a plan.

Occupational Therapy

What a great field Occupation Therapy is. The bridge to all sorts of ways to make life easier for a patient. They are dedicated to help you be able to stay at home in as much as is possible. We are moving forward towards purchasing a hospital bed, getting a wheel chair and other equipment which we need to make life easier for Ed.

For the first time in our entire marriage of 54.5 years Ed has spent the day in bed. He was always one to be up and dressed long before I would manage to abandon my housecoat and nightie!

Ed's uncle and cousin were both physicians; his uncle was a General Practitioner in small town Ontario and his cousin was an OB/Gyn in the United States. One of his cousins was a pharmacist but Ed decided on Chemistry (Phd) as his field of research and eventually with all the draft dodgers taking all the University positions at the time he graduated (along with his classmates) he did his Masters in Library Science and worked at the National Research Council for thirty years. He was a very effective researcher (judging by the citations to his original work) when he was working in Chemistry but he enjoyed working as a Technical Scientist as well. I still wonder what the world missed with his leaving research (I am a great believer in the idea that everybody has a gift to give  to prosperity unless thwarted by some external force!). 

He is eating much better now (has had his breakfast later than usual and just finished his lunch). Dinner will be sole and stewed tomatoes. NO salt so somewhat bland. I grew up with a mother who was on a low salt diet so I find the food delicious without salt!!

Cleaning; if I can finish the dusting then I will have accomplished cleaning the two floors in the allotted time although this is actually my day off cleaning.

Family comments

I did find the family comments that Prince Harry and Meghan shared to be rather common within a family unit and perhaps a little unfair to share them with the world. Taken out of context they sound absolutely terrible but occur I suspect quite often within families that suddenly step outside of their usual marriage partners. It isn't easy to listen to family prater on about such things but the nuclear family should be strong enough to withstand the reactions of family members. I do not see it as racist particularly but rather curiosity. One does have to be dreadfully careful in family situations not to read too much into what is being said. But I must admit when you are suffering from a nervous strain it is a problem because items tend to dwell in your brain for a longer time and can have catastrophic results unfortunately but they are your problem really and you have to resolve them. Possibly unkind not to have provided psychiatric/psychological support but I am not sure that people in England are so into that type of support. No ideas on that except when I was very ill with my nervous disorder I am not at all sure that my parents or family really understood what was happening to me and as it turned out I did not really wish to share the depth of my thoughts with them at that time or really now in actual fact. Occasionally, I have made a statement about that time in my life when with my family but it is pretty rare. 

I do hope that Prince Harry and Meghan can move beyond all of this and enjoy their lives. At the moment they are doing irreparable damage to the Royal Family for what may well have been an innocent comment. I do feel sorry for Prince William and Kate especially in all of this happening. Their children are losing that wonderful relationship that first cousins do have and one hopes that that will change in the future. Not having had any first cousins I feel sad for those young children. They will have and do have lots of second cousins within the Royal Family but first cousins are extra special since you share grandparents and your parents are siblings. 

On my 23 and Me account I now have a few 3rd British cousins who are definitely of African descent. I think it is rather exciting actually. Since I have not really corresponded with any of my matches in a number of years other than my second cousins I haven't written but I would love to hear from any of my cousins and share what I know of our mutual family history.

Managed some of my church service today

 I managed a little of my Church Service today. Hopefully I can expand on that. The PSW comes right in the middle though and I need to let him in and then be ready to help if Ed needs me during that time period. Lifting him is a problem as his back bothers him a great deal and the method of lifting him by putting one hand under his bottom and the other in his armpit seems awkward to some. Hoping that his back strengthens. He is walking around more and that will help. 

Big washing day today; I try for a quiet Sunday but haven't succeeded in quite a while. Using our sharp blade to take some of the ice out of the laneway. I have pretty much cleared the top end but the bottom end is pretty thick ice but we actually have some warm weather coming so maybe a thaw! That would be lovely to have a thaw. The snow is pretty deep in the backyard. I haven't been out in the backyard really at all this winter. My daughter dragged out the snowshoes and has walked around quite a bit out there. There is a definite track. I am wondering if those huge marks have kept the racoon away as he/she hasn't been seen for several months now. 

Income Tax Time

 This year I am going to keep track of all of Ed's medications because a couple of them are not covered by his insurance. I hadn't bothered claiming that on his income tax but decided I should start doing that. It is cumbersome to keep all the receipts but I can see that the costs of maintaining my husband in the home will gradually increase over time although I never go shopping except for food and the drug store so that might offset it somewhat!

I would like him to be comfortable though so will work away at that. Keeping books is something I have done all my life so not really a big new deal. I just couldn't be bothered the last couple of years when he started into all this medication. 

Cleaning completed - just one day late

 Cleaning completed for the week! Amazed that I have accomplished it. The new chair is fabulous and saving possibly as much as six or seven lifts a day. Once the hospital bed is acquired that saves a few more. Someone needs to invent a toilet that lifts a person up as well. Then there is the chair lift and that needs a way to get a person off at the top or bottom that doesn't involve lifting at all. But the few lifts that are left are more doable. I do want to have a better chair in the kitchen. It does need to have wheels but needs a locking mechanism so will have to think about that for a bit. Other than that we are settling into good routines. 

Blood work will be done at home for a couple of months and then we will see if we can manage trips out. The snow did defeat us ultimately but possibly just the cold and the lack of a ramp. The ramp is in the planning stages. Probably we really do not want to move and gradually this house continues to accommodate us as it always has. Ed and the girls went off looking at new houses in Chapel Hill years ago now but for one reason or another the three of them couldn't decide to move and so we have stayed in this house for nearly 43 years now. We are the ones who have lived on this street the longest now; everyone else eventually moved away. We were thinking as we looked out one of the front windows that when we first moved in we could see the Ottawa River! That was a long time ago now. 

Rest day tomorrow and Sunday and perhaps I will make it to Church this Sunday. That would be nice actually. I miss going especially now that it is on YouTube. Going downtown is just too time consuming unfortunately and I will not be doing that in the near future for sure even after COVID; I rather think we will have an after-COVID life.

Just one day behind in my cleaning endeavours

Managed to complete the two floors by wednesday this week leaving me with just the basement and will do that Friday. Nice if I can keep that up.

The sitting/reclining/standing chair

The new chair arrived today for Ed and he thinks it will let him stand up by himself from sitting on it. He has tried it out a few times most successfully. That will save a number of assisted lifts a day for sure. Our daughter told us about the chair so we ordered one. 

Feeling very stressed today but hopefully will feel better tomorrow. My nervous disorder is in full command of me at the moment and I need to slow down and figure things out. I have lived with knowledge of my nervous disorder for nearly 46 years but the initial diagnosis way back then of Multiple Sclerosis is unlikely given my age and ability to recover. It is likely something less difficult to manage or if Multiple Sclerosis I have been lucky through the years. 

Missed Church again

 Sunday morning was just too busy and I couldn't leave my husband as there were too many things that he needed doing. Do miss my online Church service live. But I have been present through this past eight months which has been rather nice. 

Today I salted the laneway and walk as it is icy out there today. Melting for sure but another cold snap expected so best to salt and see if it will melt faster (lowering the freezing point and all that!). This is cleaning the top floor day and I have managed almost half of it now. The robot vacuum is great and does an excellent job. I can just nip around and get the things it does not do. Although that still does take a couple of hours in the afternoon once the vacuuming is done. When the vaccine comes we will investigate having someone come in and clean the bathrooms and kitchen once a week. A good concentrated cleaning on those rooms would just leave me with the day rooms, bedrooms and basement. I would then have time to clean out cupboards on a rotating basis. 

Still no DNA done really. Occasionally I get a little time to glimpse at all of that.