Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Finding oneself - who am I

Although I have lived a fascinating life these last nearly 55 years since I married Edward, it was a shared relationship that I entered into from a shared relationship. I was still living at home in the midst of my large family when we married. It never interested me in my teen years to be other than part of my large family. I was always a bit on the periphery in that I liked my own space in my room in the attic. When I moved up there when I was eight years old the rest of my family thought it a bit strange that I would choose to isolate myself like that but I loved it. There was a grate in the floor that I could see everyone walking on the floor below whenever I chanced to look down and they were there but mostly those walls were all mine (except it was part of the attic so there were doors here and there that led into storage and no door upstairs into the open area that I occupied. There was however a door at the bottom of the stairs that I could close but usually it was open. I didn't mind if people came up (they always knocked or called up) but I was weird enough as a child and teenager that mostly my siblings left me to enjoy my solitude. On a rainy day they would call me down to be a fourth in a card game but most days my siblings were with their friends and doing their own thing just as I was. I loved to read and read everything that I found pretty much and borrowed as many books as I was allowed at the library. On Saturdays I biked over to my maternal grandmother's house after my grandfather died and spent the afternoon with her when the weather was good for biking; otherwise I would walk over to her house in the winter months.  Sundays we went to Church and Sunday School and sometimes my grandmother would come to visit but not until after my grandfather passed away as I recall. He was my paternal grandfather and I never really saw them talk to each other in my memory. Other than that I went to school during the school year and in the summer I helped pull weeds in the mornings and read in the afternoon. I did try to just live it quietly and in solitude when that worked out for me. 

Edward, of course, pulled me out of all that solitude and once we had a car we traveled about seeing all the things that he wanted to see. I wanted to see them too I just had never thought about it. But we did share in common a love for travel and gradually a love of history developed from that.  He was interested in science mostly but did like to know all about the areas in which we traveled. 

I did have a little preparation for the change to come the last couple of years as Edward slowed down more and more and then of course COVID-19 ended all that traveling about. It was gradual my taking over the driving on long trips; Edward loved to drive and he hated my driving but only because he preferred his own. From the time we got that first car - the first car he ever had actually - he loved to drive; to discover and to investigate the world around him. 

I just really liked to read  and to write to be honest. My interests did not go beyond that very much after my children didn't need me and I suspect that I will return to that state once again. That is who I am. I like to go to Church and YouTube has brought that to me which is wonderful. I like to walk and the walking is good where I live so I try to do that as time permits but this house is a lot of work. I like to read and write and certainly the computer age has brought me into my own in that regard.

No comments: