Personal Support Workers (PSW)

 It is a great idea to have Personal Support Workers (PSW) and Edward has now had three weeks of such support. At first they came at a known time to me but lately that has varied somewhat. I generally have it in mind that they will save me a number of times that I need to lift Ed so that brings me to exercise periods where he is on the couch and then walks around for five to ten minutes; there is his biking daily (would like to expand to two times a day and maybe in a bit) and that again involves coming off the couch and bathroom breaks are also a good break for me as again I need to lift him when I do that. Our last PSW was a woman though and it was a combined effort to move him. We have a new chair coming though that can be used to help him to get to his feet. That will be a lifesaver for me as I am slowly losing weight looking after him. I can only eat so much and I do not eat much in the way of desserts; nor do I use sugar in anything much. It is a challenge looking after someone who outweighs you by fourty pounds that is for sure.

2TB Drive on computer

I had forgotten that my computer has a 2TB drive which is just under 1/6th full. There is a lot of room on this drive. Usually I start to think of getting a new computer as I approach its third year of operation but I think I shall stretch this one to four years. I really do prefer a desktop computer and this one has been quite exceptional.

Winter Wonderland surrounds me

What an absolutely beautiful morning this is with the trees coated in white and the sky full of billowing white clouds. Spring is definitely on the march forward; once we start getting more and more of the fluffy white snow that clings to absolutely everything the temperatures are starting to rise and spring is beckoning from around the corner. My daughters and I had a lovely song for this time of year: Spring is around the corner waiting for _______ (name of child). It was a real favourite as children are getting tired of all that white stuff by the end of February. They just want to get out there and play with that swing set beckoning from the back yard. They want to try out their latest tricycle on the back patio. They can just vaguely recall that they used to just run out the door without boots, coat, mitts, leggings. 

Hope is always there deep in the heart and this breathtaking morning reminds me of that. 

I wonder if

 I do wonder if it is too late to become a nun. I had contemplated becoming a nun in my teen years and working as a medical missionary. That didn't happen of course as I have now been married for nearly 54 and one half years. I tend to live in the moment and at the moment Edward is still trying very hard to recover. It is very isolating being ill during a lockdown. He has found it very difficult. I think he would be happier if he could have a more active life. But occasionally my mind does move to what if I am left alone. What would I do? Returning to the thoughts of my childhood has been a wondrous event and given me more energy to put in the kind of effort I need to in order to make it possible for Edward to stay home. Exhaustion has overwhelmed both my daughter and myself these past couple of months.

Oh where oh where has my life gone

I woke up with that thought today: Oh where oh where has my life gone but I quickly realized this is just a new stage of my life and one that I have been somewhat trained to do with my several years of being a visitor at Parkwood Hospital in London Ontario in my teen years. One has to treasure the moment and I tend to live in real time all the time without really thinking beyond this day. 

Missed Church again today

 Missed Church again today. It just doesn't work out with the nurse coming and then the PSW. I couldn't get Ed off the couch this morning the first few tries so we are going to buy a power lift recliner for him. Hope that works well as would save a lot of lifting on my part (and my daughter). Trying to minimize those lifts. We would still have a few to do but somewhat easier than coming off of a couch. 

Will have to re-organize the living room - downsizing once again. Will ask my siblings if they would like the two glass fronted bookcases that belonged to our Blake grandparents. Ed has refinished them and they are quite lovely but I would not take them to a condo with us if that is where we end up. We need the space though so eliminating those two bookcases and another large bookcase in the living room would make it much easier.

New match on 23 and Me

 A new match came up on 23 and Me and I also discovered a match with his sister from a while ago that I did not notice at the time. These two have a small match with a known Rawlings cousin who only matches me on the Rawlings line as far as we can tell. I am thinking given the area that they lived in that they are distant on that Rawlings line (possibly going back to my 3x great grandparents but I am reluctant to actually follow through on that thought as they do not match known descendants of my 4x great grandparents Jeremiah Rawlins and Sarah Tanner. I had sufficient information to find them on Free BMD and trace them back to their parents (and found their eight siblings as well) who married at Swindon, Wiltshire. The phasing of my grandparents appears to settle them into the Rawlins/Rawlings line. Tempting to write but life is a bit too busy to go beyond what I have done in a captured hour this morning. I shall put all that into my memory box to pull out a little later and look at it again. 

It isn't too often that I grab one of these hours. Eventually I need to get into the emails and answer some of them more fully. I try to give them as much information as I can without doing a lot of lookup in my databases just to help them with their initial question. 

Beautiful day today; sunny and coming up to minus 2 celsius mid-afternoon. When we pass the middle of February I can start to think of spring coming in six weeks or so. I love the winter though and do not rush it away. Spring and Summer have become these long continuous days of work for me although this year we have already altered our thoughts with regard to the yard and may hire someone to do the lawn cutting and trimming just to save that part of the job. I could then do more on the garden which Ed does love so much. He is looking forward to summer and the warm days outside.

Shopping

 Just back from my early morning run to the Superstore. We shop at three stores mainly Metro, Farm Boy and Superstore but I also like Sobeys. It just isn't quite as close to us. Groceries have gone up somewhat in price I think as I spent $170 on this load and probably would have been a little less a year ago. Not surprising though with a pandemic on.

1159 emails

 Oh my 1159 emails that require something done to them. I am really snowed under these days!

Busy week

 Surprisingly Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday have flown by. We are in modification mood. It would be nice to combine Ed's sleeping area with his working area so that he can get at his computer more readily so I have spent the last three days working that all out. We had to buy a few items to make that possible and I have started to prepare items for moving from one room to the other. We are waiting for an Occupational Therapist to review his needs and in particular we want to get him a hospital bed which would let him raise and lower  himself making it easier to get in and out of bed. It is a major move as he has a desk in the bedroom and there is a large dresser and both of these will move out and his computer desk and other equipment will move in. The dresser eventually could come back when the hospital bed comes. The bed in there currently is a queen sized bed so space will be freed up when it leaves which would be a good thing as it is a little crowded with everything that is currently there. 

I have been measuring and cleaning to get ready for the big move on the weekend. We will go through all of his material gradually so that we can move it to other people or places over the next few years. I think it will be quite a while before I get back to my genealogical endeavours.

Missed Church today

 I missed Church today as I work through our PSW's schedule with us. I need to be there to help out with each new day as we have a routine which they are quickly learning and then I will be able to relax and rest for the hour that they are with us. I do really need a break where my mind is just relaxed and I basically do nothing for that time period. At 75 one can only keep up a rapid pace for a short period and then you do need a break. But I think we can manage this especially when the Occupational Therapist comes and helps to direct us towards the best hospital bed and possibly more grab bars or superpoles just to make life easier for Ed. 

We would really like to just stay here but need to do the best thing that works to make that possible.

Found Tegaderm dressings

 Tegaderm dressings are the neatest way to treat a wound these days. Absolutely waterproof and I did manage to find a place to buy them although they are mostly supplied in medical care but occasionally between visits I need to change a dressing and do not have enough spare dressings if Ed has happened to acquire a need for that. Great news that I found a place to buy them. 

I have learned a great deal about wound healing the past nine months. Too bad I did not go back and study nursing I often think in retrospect now that we are in are old age. Ed requires a lot of nursing care and I have only my days as a teenager visiting nursing homes and a couple of courses that I took at the hospital. Not a lot of knowledge plus it is nearly twenty years since I took a course so old knowledge these days. 

As the week finishes I am happy to report that my dreadful calamaties that fell daily at the beginning of the week have somewhat trickled away. A new bath chair has made it possible for Ed to have a good shower whenever he wants to do that. The PSW has proven to be quite wonderful although he can easily pick Ed up but is only here a short time every day. The rest of the time he relies on us. 

Whatever next week will bring remains shrouded in darkness and is perhaps as well. Ed is struggling to keep going and we are trying to help him with that. It is good that he has this desire to defeat as he is only 77 years of age. I remember visiting nursing homes when I was a teenager and especially men in their late 60s had basically just given up. It was so very sad.

Beautiful sunny day and minus 22 degrees celsius

Just back in from taking out the garbage - this is the small garbage week so just paper recycling and table preparation/scraps recycling. We seemed to have settled in to the green system here as most houses have a green bin out in front every garbage day. 

It was a long week from Sunday to today but we are now almost half way through February and that can only mean that spring is definitely around the corner - a definitely big corner but still coming one of these days. 

A busy day today as I do catchup on my cleaning. Mostly we have stayed on the weekly schedule and my asthma has abated considerably. 

Ed is feeling stronger but has to watch that he not overdo it.

Where am I at?

Perhaps sounds like I am confused but actually I woke up a little clearer headed today. I have to keep looking in the short term for the moment. Ed was stronger yesterday. He puts on a very good front when the PSW comes and that weakens him a bit for the rest of the day but his effort is good and we spent two hours watching a movie again yesterday.

I promised myself whilst I was still working that I would watch all the VHS tapes that I purchased during the 90s when I retired. I thought I would do two per day but have seldom watched any so now I am starting to keep that promise to myself for as long as this VHS player continues to work. We gave away probably 70% of our VHS tapes to one of my brothers but kept the ones that we really wanted to see so that could well be how we spend the rest of this winter; watching at least one per day. 

We will see how this day progresses. I am pretty tired but the weight belt is helping; great idea my daughter had. The alternative is not that pleasant and Ed very much enjoys being in his own home. I could see though where he would also enjoy being with other like minded people in long term care but hopefully we can stave that off for quite a while. So long as he can help a little when he is moving then we can continue to forge ahead. 

Some of the ideas are just too difficult for me to manage. A wheel chair sounds like a great idea but I could not push it up a ramp into the house. He can still walk about with his walker but a ramp with a walker would be dangerous for him. Better we stay inside until the weather turns to spring and hopefully we can build up enough strength for him to again go for walks about the neighbourhood.

Out of the frying pan into the fire

Had to take Ed into Emergency on Sunday afternoon and he has another bout of cellulitis (I actually missed the beginning of this as I was looking at the what I now realize were very small marks from the heating pad that we are no longer using). He did not end up staying but came home with a prescription. But on the way to get his dressings changed Tuesday (today) on his arms (and that is another long story as he is plagued with very thin skin and it is easily broken and bruised) he collapsed on the front step and I had to call 911 to help me get him back into the house. They were very very helpful and the dressings were brought to me to change. Will try again on Thursday to get him to his appointment for the dressings to be changed (they have to be done every two days). I want to get a portable wheel chair for days when he is tired and a portable ramp from the door across the porch to the ground - a nice aluminium one. I have seen some nice portable wheel chairs so will look into that. That way when he is tired I can just wheel him out and get him into the car and use the wheel chair when I get to the appointment. Otherwise we have a walker in the car that he could also use if he wanted. 

So my week did not begin well but I am hoping it ends on a better note.

Losing my nerve these days

I do have a nervous disorder and anything that upsets the equilibrium that I have somehow achieved in 75 years of living does tend to throw me off for a bit. I have this slightly morbid worry about heating pads and always recommended ice to my husband for aches and pains (use that myself as well). But heat was recommended to him for his physio and so I did give him a heating pad. I noticed today that he has some red marks where he was using the heating pad so have discontinued that. It is difficult looking after someone that cannot do things for himself as he once did. I only got the heating pad away by saying we would have to go to emergency to figure out the red marks if it wasn't the heating pad doing that. 

But all in all the week started out with me worrying and ends with me worrying about my husband and his care. I want to do the best that I can but probably my limits are starting to show. I do need to get my sleep and I have been up a couple of nights with him on my own. My daughter's back is feeling better so she is back to helping me again. The alternative is not good - long term care - as he prefers to stay at home. Hopefully this next week will be much better. I do tend to be optimistic

 

Abortion - an interesting conundrum

Not sure why abortion popped into my mind this morning but it conjures up interesting conversations that occurred when I was first at my husband's United Church way back in the late 1970s. Personally I am absolutely opposed to abortion for myself; would never have considered one at any time. However, I do add that I was never in the position of having acquired a pregnancy by rape or misadventure so do not really know my thoughts on abortion following rape for myself but would not have aborted for misadventure. At this age of 75 and a half years that is not going to affect me anyway. I was somewhat in a minority I must admit and actually no one else shared my opinion. It was in those early days at my husband's Church that I realized I simply did not fit in. My mother was raised United Church but became an Anglican in her mid teens (her father's family were Anglican but her mother tended more towards the United Church). I did do the job of volunteer secretary extremely well. I did not miss even one Sunday initially standing behind the welcoming table; I am a great believer in the value of Church in our lives and really it does not matter the Church on the level of people belonging. My personal opinion though was always to consider myself Anglican and of course I am a cradle Anglican. I tried never to impose any of my Anglican ideas on anyone nor was that visible in the Bulletin which I published for the minister.

But back to abortion as I did work in the hospital one summer when I was twenty years of age. I worked for my entire summer in the urinanalysis lab. It was fascinating work and I learned so much from the individual who managed that lab. Unfortunately he broke his arm in July so I was left on my own to run the lab and I actually did it very well for the remainder of the summer. But that doesn't affect abortion. One time I had to go down to the ER to collect a stat sample for a young woman/teenager whom I learned later had had a bungled abortion and she died. When I learned that I vowed that I would never stand in the way of any woman/teenager needing an abortion for her own personal reasons and I have consistently through my life supported any legislation that advocated for the right to an abortion. 

Even after a miscarriage that I had here where we now live when my eldest was just two years of age and I had to have a D&C I did not budge from that belief. Following the D&C I was placed in a room with several young women who had just had abortions and were discussing it rather lightly. I started to shake and the nurse rushed me out realizing that I was shocked by their attitude which I was. I continue to this day to believe that it is a woman's right to make this decision but do pray that they consider carefully the act which they are undertaking and do not make light of it. This is an unborn child that you are aborting which it is your perfect right to do but do not pass it by as something to laugh about (I do find this idea that it is simply a bit of protoplasm particularly gruesome). Simply realize that your life decision has been made. After all one does not know what will come of that tiny little being; some abort naturally; some die young and others do not survive young adulthood. 

So for me Abortion is always an interesting conundrum; something I personally never even considered but I firmly believe in a woman's right to decide for herself. I never want to hear of a sixteen year old (or any age really) dying from a botched abortion again.

Snow clearing

We hired a company to clear away our laneway snow but they did not do a particularly good job at the end of the laneway where it dips down to the road rather sharply. Today the city came and chopped back the snow stacks except they left a pile in front of our place which is likely going to get pushed into our laneway so will see how that goes. I did call them to tell them the problem at the end of the laneway but looking at the other laneways there is the same difficulty. Not sure of the solution for that. Snow plows do not necessarily dip downwards! It is good to have it plowed though that is for sure.

Isaiah 40: 31

 Truer words were never spoken than the words of Isaiah 40:31

The Lord gives strength
   to those who are weary.
Even young people get tired,
   then stumble and fall.
But those who trust the Lord
   will find new strength.
They will be strong like eagles
   soaring upward on wings;
they will walk and run
   without getting tired.

Last night I managed my husband on my own as my daughter had pulled a muscle in her back so will need to rest for a couple of days in terms of helping to lift my husband. Today I feel somewhat mangled and washed out but he tries so hard to manage. I can not imagine him in Long Term Care so not giving up yet!

God is always there for us; we just have to listen. The Bible Reading for today just seemed to be what I needed to hear. A quiet day today as we do not have to go anywhere which is always nice. 

Adults do need to be the adult in the room

Adults do need to be the adult in the room! Apparently the people who are spreading COVID-19 are in the 20-49 age group. That used to be an adult and perhaps it is time for this age group to prove that they are adults instead of running around trying to defeat the laws that have been enacted to protect the most vulnerable.

Ground Hog Day and one of our continuities

Ground Hog Day was greatly enjoyed when I was a child. My mother especially used to like to mention Ground Hog Day and it usually resulted in her telling us what it was like to live on a farm which she did until her father died when she was eight years of age. Then she moved to the city and found it a lonely existence until she went to Girl Guides which she loved. We are two very different people my mother and I. She was a people person; my parents loved to entertain when I was young. I must admit I hated the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke from a young age. The sound of loud voices chatting away about mostly their lives before children was more interesting as one doesn't always realize that parents had a life before children when one is young. I am glad my parents had a fun time in their lives to be very honest. They both worked hard all of their days. 

Ground Hog Day in southwestern Ontario was a fun time as we knew the snow would mostly be gone in March so the fun of saying six more weeks of winter was very realistic. Here in Eastern Ontario we will have six more weeks of winter and beyond that! However I still enjoy all the presentations from around North America on Ground Hog Day.

Finally verification of Chromosome 23

Although I do not know the two siblings who have tested I do know that they are descendant of the twin sister of my 2x great grandmother Ann (Welch) Buller. Amazingly one of the siblings matches both my brother and I with a substantial length on the X chromosome giving me real proof that my phasing of the X chromosome was absolutely correct. I can now look at all of these X chromosome matches with my brother and I and know that they are descendants of my Buller grandmother and in this case where the match is shared that they are descending from my grandmother's father's mother. Quite exciting actually. I try to check my matches and generally give myself about 30 minutes a day to do that. Doing so brings me closer to my recently deceased brother. Having moved away from my birth area 45 years ago I have lost touch with my family in some ways but in other ways it is like yesterday that we were all together.

My match with my new DNA cousins shows as third cousin but in reality we share 3x great grandparents so are actually 4th cousins with my sharing 1.36% over 7 segments for a total of  101 cM. The X chromosome matches (I have two as does one of my brothers and one of my sisters has a single match). To have that happen amidst so much busyness has been truly a tremendous happening.