I can not believe that Ed is gone actually; I keep wanting him to return

I can not believe that Ed is gone actually; I keep wanting him to return. I was like that after my grandfather died and for a couple of years before I eventually realized that my beloved grandfather had died. That time I just wanted him back and my mind kept refusing to accept that he was gone (I was eight though when he died). 

I have no idea what he wanted done with most of the possessions that he had. We both worked and with just two children he had spending money to buy anything that he wanted. We did not have a big expensive house. His purchases tended to not be horribly expensive but items that he fancied. Like there are maybe 30-40 of the plates (mostly birds) that were fired in a kiln usually for a fixed number of hours. They are quite beautiful and adorned our walls at various times and he would arrange them in wonderful ways. Most of them are in storage now but what to do with all of those. The books themselves number in the thousands still I suspect although we have reduced our collection by as much as 2/3rds in the last few years. 

But I just genuinely miss him. The last few months I have been with him all the time except for one exercise period a day (running) in the basement where he could ring his bell if he needed me. We were good company for each other; enjoyed the same movies and as it turned out shared his interest in genealogy. 

While he was in the hospital he asked me to separate out the Loyalist books to donate to the library. I was in the process of doing that. I never asked him what he wanted to do with his possessions because I thought he would outlive me to be perfectly honest. I know a few items because they belonged to his Grandfather Link and one of his cousins is quite interested in their mutual grandfather. I can ask him about all the Link things. Even when he was very ill last May and his recovery was somewhat uncertain, he bounced back and I just never asked him things like that. It does make me so much want him to be here along with just the genuine missing of him.