Why did I finally bring Edward home to die

 First of all Edward wanted to come home and I did promise him that I would take him home. But he was so frail I did not think he could survive the transfer. I wanted his passing to be calm and peaceful and it was. But why did I suddenly react and want to move him home so desperately? I stayed with Ed constantly from the time that they permitted me to see him and make a decision on his end of life care. Once the decision was made I was not going to leave him; I knew that I would be like that. That night in the ward one of the patients in the other bed much to my surprise got up out of his bed (I had watched him being winched from chair to bed so was surprised to see him get up). I was only half awake but he was barely on his feet and down he went onto the floor. His shouts alarmed Edward and I felt as if I was going to lose him at that moment in such a frightened state but I was able to coax him back into relaxation. I had not been able to find the call button so I then went and found the nurse to tell them about the man on the floor. I did not want another night in that room or a weekend for that matter. Staffing in the hospitals is light on the weekend. We were moved to another room and even that short trip was hard on Edward but I stayed close to him and he managed the trip. The next room first thing in the morning after my second night in the hospital the bed alarm went off in the other patient's bed. This time I really felt I was going to lose Ed and he was so alarmed. I wanted his passing to be peaceful. The night had been long and the other patient was moaning which frightened Edward. I resolved to follow through on my request of the day before to go home in spite of the risks. Ed's breathing was shallow just 6 respirations per minute and I coaxed it up to 10 telling him we were going to go home as we were reaching a point where that looked like it could happen. Permission granted and everything in place. As it turned out the trip home was relaxed and I was right by his side coaxing him to relaxation and we arrived home and the best medical transporters in the world brought him into the home gently and carefully and laid him in his hospital bed. He was so happy to be home. 

In retrospect, buying the bed did not turn out to be the best idea. One cannot control the events of life and at the time it seemed the best way forward to have a bed on hand for his imminent return. He was meant to come home after geriatric rehab and enjoy his bed for a couple of years but life didn't flow that way. At least money was saved (and actually more than the refund) because he prefers ward to semi-private and he pays for semi-private in his insurance.