Our Role in Society

When my mother died in 2002 and my maternal uncle in 2003 I realized that my husband and I no longer had any further back in time living relatives other than cousins. It is somewhat profound to realize that you are now the total decision maker on everything. We both had mothers who made helpful comments and we listened to them. My father tended to not really comment very much. My parents did not come to Ottawa very often (when I added the times up it was eight times in total). The last time they came was when our children had chicken pox (they had had that as children so immune at least I was hoping so since they wanted to come!). The children were pretty much over them when they came but it was also spring and they wanted to see the Tulip Festival in Ottawa as they had never been and it is quite spectacular to be here during the blossoming of the tulips here. My parents never stayed long (seldom more than 2 nights) but I am one of seven children so they had lots of visiting to do and new grandchildren were on the way back home and they never came again. Plus by then my father was 78 years of age and it is a long trip. My mother was only 66 and did most of the driving. She always meant to come here again after my dad had a stroke and was in a nursing home and then when she was widowed but she never did. I offered to buy a plane ticket or a train ticket but there were so many grandchildren around her that she just couldn't pull herself away anymore. I totally understood that.

So our role in our nuclear family changed although I am not sure that mine did. My children always did pretty much what they wanted and I only interfered/commented when I felt there was some danger involved. I was working full-time by then and they were both older and mostly lived their own lives.

But one change for me was my involvement in charitable/religious organizations. I had primarily when our children were young been involved in religious type organizations. I managed for my husband's Church the World Day of Prayer and before that I was volunteer secretary for about six years (I was actually asked to do that; I did not volunteer). But it was easier for me to be behind a table rather than in the midst. I am rather too shy to be in the midst; I tend to stay on the outskirts of any group unless I am speaking. My mother was always wanting me to make friends and was quite enthusiastic when I said that I was so involved but in reality I did not make any friends; nor is it in my nature to do so. My husband and children occupy my life fully and even if I was alone my siblings have always occupied my life or just my work/volunteerism. I did go back to work when our youngest was 14 months old although I worked primarily at home doing proofreading and copy-editing for a local printer but my husband was Church Treasurer and I spent time in lines at the bank doing whatever needed to be done. Then running over to the Church when the minister needed something. It was somewhat of a challenge to have a small child standing in the bank lines or running over to the Church! I finally mentioned that I was working and didn't mind helping out with items but felt I should mention that in case the person did not realize it. I did not get quite so many calls after that! My husband also dragged me into his genealogy volunteerism in the mid 1990s. I did do lectures on DNA for about eight years after that became popular in 2007 to 2015. Looking back my volunteerism was quite extensive but I had not yet found something that I really wanted to do. The lecturing on DNA I mostly fell into because no one was doing it at the time and Ed was interested in that as was I with regard to my own research.

I did finally find volunteerism that I really enjoy and that is being a patient partner. Having worked in medicine for ten years in various departments and involved in research, I am really enjoying once again being part of a research group from the patient/caregiver perspective. I have found my volunteer niche. I do not have a lot of spare time at the moment with my husband ill but COVID-19 has curtailed every research project for obvious reasons. The doctors who do research are otherwise occupied and they will be busy for a while as they convert back from a state of readiness over the entire hospital to a point where they can pick up the traces of their research and get back into that. Then of course we must be ready for a second wave; whether or not it materializes; is severe enough to warrant another lockdown and cancellation of surgeries remains to be seen but none the less they have to be continuously preparing and planning for that.

I do miss my involvement in my Anglican Church. For a while I was on a committee involved in outreach which was quite interesting and that was when I started donating to the Union Mission in Ottawa. I do know that women's shelters also need support but there is quite often more support for them because children are also involved. Men's care does tend to get put to one side. But I have not really been a part of my church (other than my monthly donation (I tithe) which is shared between church expenses and the PWRDF (Primates World Relief Development Fund) which goes primarily to the First Nations here in Canada at least I have told myself that) in terms of regular attendance for a long time. I should investigate that I suppose. I have found myself somewhat disappointed with my Church and the direction it is moving in. When I was young I advocated that marriage should no longer be a sacrament because of the Divorce Act. Had they stepped away from marrying people then a lot of the sadness that has emerged over the last nearly sixty years would have been avoided. I didn't make any friends advocating that for sure. A sacramental marriage to me is a lifelong commitment. We will be married for 54 years in September.

So our role in society is to do the best that we can with the tools that we have at our own disposal and try to better mankind.