I need to have a rest

I know that I need to rest but I am finding it difficult to really do so. To let go of everything that I am worried about and just meditate. Why do I worry? Hopefully the house will sell easily but I am trying to leave that with my son in law. The lawyer will handle the house switchover. I am writing a new will as my old one was no longer useable. What else is there to worry about? Downsizing but that is moving along and it is COVID-19 that prevents me from doing some things. I also have my daughters help.

I do need to contact a few organizations to see if they want Ed's equipment/material. He meant to do that but COVID-19 prevented him from doing it as well. It is like a great divide - Life before COVID and Life after COVID and the hiatus in between. 

I wanted to do the Labyrinth  the other night but I could not calm myself to be a meaningful part of that. I have been trying for a couple of years now ever since Ed started into his decline. I didn't see it as a decline then but looking back it was a gradual loss that he fought bravely against. He still maintained many of his activities although I now went to everything just in case he needed help driving and eventually doing all the driving. Was I interested in what was happening? Sometimes but it is quite a while since I attended a meeting just because I wanted to go. 

He was so completely absorbed in his family research the last decade and it constantly returned to him a great deal of gratification. As DNA became the norm to look at in terms of cousin ship and family matching; he found line and after line verified for him in his tracing back. He was thrilled. He always felt the research was correct but seeing the science made it all the more rewarding. His skills from doing his PhD and MLS certainly showed in his research. His work as a Research Scientist from long ago was also rewarded as citations started to mount up on his early work. He lived his life to the full and was a happy person within himself. His only frustration at the end was a disease that eventually claimed him. 

I am realizing that once I have squared up his research I am keen to go back to working on mine. That is a glimmer at the end of the tunnel for me. 

Outside work soon to do. I need to rake the lawns and the new year of gardening begins but considerably scaled back to what we initially (all of us) thought about in the winter. Ed certainly was part of that planning and we will try to do some of what he wanted.