Survivour Guilt

I am entering into survivour guilt. Ed was always going to outlive me in my mind. He was so healthy right into his late 60s. We biked, walked, canoed, skied, skated and he genuinely enjoyed his retirement years doing everything that he wanted to do. He wanted to live to be 90. Today we begin packing books which will be good for me because he was moving in that direction and I will be continuing to do what he wanted to do. Perhaps as I get through all the books and the house begins to empty I will be able to see a path for me to follow with the rest of his material. He so loved working; being busy and doing beneficial things. Historical projects that benefited the many was always his aim. But he still found lots of time for his own research which was great. 

He had planned this three week trip down into Pennsylvania and New Jersey for the fall of 2017 and was about to begin booking. But his health caught up to him and it became impractical for him to do that even with my help driving. It was just too far and too long away. This was to look at his Force family (his great grandmother was Elizabeth Force married to Benjamin Kipp). He knew quite a bit about her but the information on the Force family of New Jersey was all there for the most part. We had looked at an enormous box of Force material at the NYGBS Library when it was still at their headquarters (now in the Library of New York City main branch). Someone had assembled a lot of material so I had gone through that box to see what was there. I constructed a few trees for him back in 2008 of relevant families and I had taken a lot of pictures. But original records are best found in the county offices in each state it would appear for American Research. I never really got into American Research as I do not have any American ancestors. Hence the trip to New Jersey and along the way looking at his Pennsylvania people. 

I watched as his world slowly narrowed and we only did trips in Ontario except for one to the Maritimes to a Family Reunion. He never complained even once and continued to meet with cousins all over to share information. 

I watched as his health was slowly eroding. It was something I hid from him; those tears. Now he is gone and I am left. I need to finish off the items that he was working on and get them to their proper home.