Doing the newsletters has been a path forward for me. In the morning I tend to have a crying moment as I open the blind to let the sun in for the flowers around Edward's urn. We still want him to be with us in reality and it is going to take a longer time for us to let him go. He was the dynamic centre of our lives; he came up with the interesting ideas and events that we all took ourselves away from our working endeavours and joined in with him enthusiastically. Our ideas are more work oriented; it is just the way that we are. But he too was more work oriented but growing up in a small village he loved to explore and from that grew his great ideas!
Working on his last wish; to donate his books to the Ottawa Branch of the Ontario Genealogical Society; kept us going for quite a while but our boxing up of books is complete. Still having the boxes with us makes the task feel incomplete since we were to donate them not box them up and keep them. COVID-19 as always complicates life. We did find his Historical/Genealogical DVD collection yesterday working through another storage area and I will list them today for OGS to decide on whether they can join the collection. Edward liked to have everything at his fingertips as he worked his way through his family tree adding in cousins all along the way. Having these original documents now on DVD helped to make his task easier. He would like that for everyone else as they pursue their family lines back through time. It is also such good advertisement for authors and DVD creators letting people know that such material exists and can be purchased.
Does one ever really get over the grief of losing a partner? We are watching Penquin Town on Netflix. Birds always have such a strong partner bond. We have had two pairs of cardinals at our bird feeder for a number of years now. They come back every year. One wonders can we know that it is the same mating pair? They have just become so familiar now that I do think it is the same two pair. Their bonds are incredible. The male swoops in to make sure the path is clear for his mate and then she comes in much more timidly. Then when the nesting time is on they come one by one with the female always more cautious as she moves down the fence line to the bird feeder.
Yesterday a female blue jay was an amazing sight as she worked on the sunflower seeds. She would pick one up and then take it over to the fence and crack it open with her beak and then back for another single sunflower seed. The male was in the tree watching overhead while his mate ate.
The bonding between people is the same I rather think. Until 2011 I never really went to many meetings with Edward but after that I always went. He had shown a sign of weakness with his need for the pacemaker that I felt needed watching and so I was always there when I could be just to make sure he did not over do it. I know he is safe with God now and so I am gradually returning to my research. I do want to publish all the transcriptions that I have done. It is a slow process as I did a lot long before I thought of publishing them.
I still have a lot of wills to transcribe as well; probably around 1400. My days will still be full once I feel that I have satisfied all of Edward's requests in the immediate time.
I have decided to stay where I am for three more years. I think that I will work on a three year plan as I move along. We were working on a five year plan - by 80 (in two years that would have been Edward) we planned on selling and moving. I am 75 almost 76 so about the same time frame for me in terms of moving. I feel the need to stay here for awhile as we decide where to bury Edward and myself in the future. He did have a thought but I am not sure that it is really us who should decide; I am leaving it up to our children to make that decision.
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